God's Diet: Boogers

I shit my pants in a group home at the age of 26. How is your life going?

I cleaned myself up. Other than that, I had a good day yesterday. I woke up at six am and listened to pop music. Then I submitted my poetry book to literary agents. I also launched the blog and submitted poems to literary magazines. I am in an essence cycle 4 for two or three years according to numeroiogy (basically the same as astrology, but with numbers). This is a period of hard work with little immediate pay off. A reward normally comes at the end of such a cycle. We'll see what happens.

My roommate also came back from inpatient. To protect her identity, we'll call her Madison. She's a writer like me. She has an idea for a graphic novel and pens poetry. We made good friends while were both inpatient at Waukesha County. It was one of the weaker mental hospitals I've been to, but I'm basing this on the food. One patient I made friends with kept giving endless thanks for the slop, but I was dreaming of being at Waukesha Memorial Hospital-- where they have unlimited soda and giant pretzels.

I met a man tat WMH who I'm pretty sure was God. Let's call him Stevie. He was in a wheelchair and I caught him picking his nose during the Covid-19, of all times. He wrote a book that was apparently about God, so it seemed fitting.

At least I could eat County's food. All last year I suffered from an eating disorder. I was seeing vomit and organs on my plate. The vomit was from somewhere unknown, but the organs were caused by the fact that when I was eight years old, I founded a gutted animal at the park. There is mystery surrounding the event, as my sister and I were never told what happened. For me, I only saw the stomach, completely split from the rest of the body. The memory came back after a few major life changing events. My sister is more rational when it comes to this memory. She thinks a coyote did it. I eventually spent time in an eating disorder facility after a few insane months at Pasadena Villa, a spa of a treatment facility in Severville, TN.

That's her. The Mountain.

I thought I was in a coma, so I decided to starve myself to death, laying in my bedroom overlooking the Smoky Mountains. I came out of my room after three days of starving myself and not drinking water and passed out in my grandma's red zip up.

I went inpatient at Chattanooga where they did the stupidest thing ever. They sent me on a bus to Memphis (for Fairhaven's eating disorder program)- without a phone. I was wearing a giant sweater and sweatpants and wandering around the bus terminal singing "Walking in Memphis."

They assumed it was me and I got in a random car.

Next things I knew I was at Fairhaven, where I got diagnosed with schizophrenia and borderline personality disorder. The next three months were eye opening. By the end, I had made many friends. They did electric convulsive therapy on me, and it worked for a long time. Then one night I got a call from my mom saying there was a shooting at my old high school. I flew into a tailspin, and apparently the next day tried to run a way. I don't remember, and I again think I'm in a coma at times-- as if I had gotten hit by a car. They took me to Lakeside, one of the worst inpatient hospital experiences I have ever had. I got into two fist fights.

Then my sister and father brought me up to Wisconsin for residential treatment at Rogers in West Allis. My appetite magically came back. The dietitian straight up told me not to drink too much creamer and did non-blind weights on my. Ridiculous. I gained a lot of weight while I was there- although I did become a vegetarian. This was after I found out that a ton of makeup is still tested on animals. If I wouldn't put makeup on an animal, why would I eat it?

The group homes have me eating meat again. I feel bad for having restrictions, although eating meat makes me feel like a straight up cannibal.

At least I'm not eating my boogers. What up, Stevie God.

Stay tuned for more. I post everyday at 11:11 am.

C.J. Glatzel is a poet/authot from Pewaukee, WI. She has been published widely by man magazines- including Pochino Press, WORDPEACE, TreeHouse Arts, Bramble, and 5th Wall Press. When she is not writing, she's painting and battling schizophrenia.